A project of Project Gutenberg and the HTML Writers Guild. Markup by Frank Boumphrey. Jan 22 2000 Remorse: A Fragment Epitaph On Wm. Hood, Senr., In Tarbolton Epitaph On James Grieve, Laird Of Boghead, Tarbolton Epitaph On My Own Friend And My Father's Friend, Wm. Muir In Tarbolton Mill Epitaph On My Ever Honoured Father Ballad On The American War Reply To An Announcement By J. Rankine Epistle To John Rankine A Poet's Welcome To His Love-Begotten Daughter^1 Song - O Leave Novels! The Mauchline Lady: A Fragment My Girl She's Airy: A Fragment The Belles Of Mauchline Epitaph On A Noisy Polemic Epitaph On A Henpecked Country Squire Epigram On The Said Occasion Another On The said Occasion On Tam The Chapman Epitaph On John Rankine Lines On The Author's Death Man Was Made To Mourn: A Dirge The Twa Herds; Or, The Holy Tulyie Epistle To Davie, A Brother Poet Holy Willie's Prayer Epitaph On Holy Willie Death and Doctor Hornbook Epistle To J. Lapraik, An Old Scottish Bard Second Epistle To J. Lapraik Epistle To William Simson One Night As I Did Wander Tho' Cruel Fate Should Bid Us Part Song - Rantin', Rovin' Robin Elegy On The Death Of Robert Ruisseaux Epistle To John Goldie, In Kilmarnock The Holy Fair Third Epistle To J. Lapraik Epistle To The Rev. John M'math Second Epistle to Davie Song-Young Peggy Blooms Song-Farewell To Ballochmyle Fragment-Her Flowing Locks Halloween To A Mouse Epitaph On John Dove, Innkeeper Epitaph For James Smith Adam Armour's Prayer The Jolly Beggars: A Cantata Song - For A' That Song - Merry Hae I Been Teethin A Heckle The Cotter's Saturday Night Address To The Deil Scotch Drink Of all the numerous ills that hurt our peace, That press the soul, or wring the mind with anguish Beyond comparison the worst are those By our own folly, or our guilt brought on: In ev'ry other circumstance, the mind Has this to say, "It was no deed of mine:" But, when to all the evil of misfortune This sting is added, "Blame thy foolish self!" Or worser far, the pangs of keen remorse, The torturing, gnawing consciousness of guilt- Of guilt, perhaps, when we've involved others, The young, the innocent, who fondly lov'd us; Nay more, that very love their cause of ruin! O burning hell! in all thy store of torments There's not a keener lash! Lives there a man so firm, who, while his heart Feels all the bitter horrors of his crime, Can reason down its agonizing throbs; And, after proper purpose of amendment, Can firmly force his jarring thoughts to peace? O happy, happy, enviable man! O glorious magnanimity of soul! Here Souter Hood in death does sleep; To hell if he's gane thither, Satan, gie him thy gear to keep; He'll haud it weel thegither. Here lies Boghead amang the dead In hopes to get salvation; But if such as he in Heav'n may be, Then welcome, hail! damnation. An honest man here lies at rest As e'er God with his image blest; The friend of man, the friend of truth, The friend of age, and guide of youth: Few hearts like his, with virtue warm'd, Few heads with knowledge so informed: If there's another world, he lives in bliss; If there is none, he made the best of this. O ye whose cheek the tear of pity stains, Draw near with pious rev'rence, and attend! Here lie the loving husband's dear remains, The tender father, and the gen'rous friend; The pitying heart that felt for human woe, The dauntless heart that fear'd no human pride; The friend of man-to vice alone a foe; For "ev'n his failings lean'd to virtue's side."^1 [Footnote 1: Goldsmith. - R.B.] Tune - "Killiecrankie." When Guilford good our pilot stood An' did our hellim thraw, man, Ae night, at tea, began a plea, Within America, man: Then up they gat the maskin-pat, And in the sea did jaw, man; An' did nae less, in full congress, Than quite refuse our law, man. Then thro' the lakes Montgomery takes, I wat he was na slaw, man; Down Lowrie's Burn he took a turn, And Carleton did ca', man: But yet, whatreck, he, at Quebec, Montgomery-like did fa', man, Wi' sword in hand, before his band, Amang his en'mies a', man. Poor Tammy Gage within a cage Was kept at Boston-ha', man; Till Willie Howe took o'er the knowe For Philadelphia, man; Wi' sword an' gun he thought a sin Guid Christian bluid to draw, man; But at New York, wi' knife an' fork, Sir-Loin he hacked sma', man. Burgoyne gaed up, like spur an' whip, Till Fraser brave did fa', man; Then lost his way, ae misty day, In Saratoga shaw, man. Cornwallis fought as lang's he dought, An' did the Buckskins claw, man; But Clinton's glaive frae rust to save, He hung it to the wa', man. Then Montague, an' Guilford too, Began to fear, a fa', man; And Sackville dour, wha stood the stour, The German chief to thraw, man: For Paddy Burke, like ony Turk, Nae mercy had at a', man; An' Charlie Fox threw by the box, An' lows'd his tinkler jaw, man. Then Rockingham took up the game, Till death did on him ca', man; When Shelburne meek held up his cheek, Conform to gospel law, man: Saint Stephen's boys, wi' jarring noise, They did his measures thraw, man; For North an' Fox united stocks, An' bore him to the wa', man. Then clubs an' hearts were Charlie's cartes, He swept the stakes awa', man, Till the diamond's ace, of Indian race, Led him a sair faux pas, man: The Saxon lads, wi' loud placads, On Chatham's boy did ca', man; An' Scotland drew her pipe an' blew, "Up, Willie, waur them a', man!" Behind the throne then Granville's gone, A secret word or twa, man; While slee Dundas arous'd the class Be-north the Roman wa', man: An' Chatham's wraith, in heav'nly graith, (Inspired bardies saw, man), Wi' kindling eyes, cry'd, "Willie, rise! Would I hae fear'd them a', man?" But, word an' blow, North, Fox, and Co. Gowff'd Willie like a ba', man; Till Suthron raise, an' coost their claise Behind him in a raw, man: An' Caledon threw by the drone, An' did her whittle draw, man; An' swoor fu' rude, thro' dirt an' bluid, To mak it guid in law, man. On His Writing To The Poet, That A Girl In That Part Of The Country Was WithA Child To Him. I am a keeper of the law In some sma' points, altho' not a'; Some people tell me gin I fa', Ae way or ither, The breaking of ae point, tho' sma', Breaks a' thegither. I hae been in for't ance or twice, And winna say o'er far for thrice; Yet never met wi' that surprise That broke my rest; But now a rumour's like to rise- A whaup's i' the nest! O Rough, rude, ready-witted Rankine, The wale o' cocks for fun an' drinkin! There's mony godly folks are thinkin, Your dreams and tricks Will send you, Korah-like, a-sinkin Straught to auld Nick's. Ye hae saw mony cracks an' cants, And in your wicked, drucken rants, Ye mak a devil o' the saunts, An' fill them fou; And then their failings, flaws, an' wants, Are a' seen thro'. Hypocrisy, in mercy spare it! That holy robe, O dinna tear it! Spare't for their sakes, wha aften wear it- The lads in black; But your curst wit, when it comes near it, Rives't aff their back. Think, wicked Sinner, wha ye're skaithing: It's just the Blue-gown badge an' claithing O' saunts; tak that, ye lea'e them naething To ken them by Frae ony unregenerate heathen, Like you or I. I've sent you here some rhyming ware, A' that I bargain'd for, an' mair; Sae, when ye hae an hour to spare, I will expect, Yon sang ye'll sen't, wi' cannie care, And no neglect. Tho' faith, sma' heart hae I to sing! My muse dow scarcely spread her wing; I've play'd mysel a bonie spring, An' danc'd my fill! I'd better gaen an' sair't the king, At Bunkjer's Hill. 'Twas ae night lately, in my fun, I gaed a rovin' wi' the gun, An' brought a paitrick to the grun'- A bonie hen; And, as the twilight was begun, Thought nane wad ken. The poor, wee thing was little hurt; I straikit it a wee for sport, Ne'er thinkin they wad fash me for't; But, Deil-ma-care! Somebody tells the poacher-court The hale affair. Some auld, us'd hands had taen a note, That sic a hen had got a shot; I was suspected for the plot; I scorn'd to lie; So gat the whissle o' my groat, An' pay't the fee. But by my gun, o' guns the wale, An' by my pouther an' my hail, An' by my hen, an' by her tail, I vow an' swear! The game shall pay, o'er muir an' dale, For this, niest year. As soon's the clockin-time is by, An' the wee pouts begun to cry, Lord, I'se hae sporting by an' by For my gowd guinea, Tho' I should herd the buckskin kye For't in Virginia. Trowth, they had muckle for to blame! 'Twas neither broken wing nor limb, But twa-three draps about the wame, Scarce thro' the feathers; An' baith a yellow George to claim, An' thole their blethers! It pits me aye as mad's a hare; So I can rhyme nor write nae mair; But pennyworths again is fair, When time's expedient: Meanwhile I am, respected Sir, Your most obedient. [Footnote 1: Burns never published this poem.] The First Instance That Entitled Him To The Venerable Appellation Of Father Thou's welcome, wean; mishanter fa' me, If thoughts o' thee, or yet thy mamie, Shall ever daunton me or awe me, My bonie lady, Or if I blush when thou shalt ca' me Tyta or daddie. Tho' now they ca' me fornicator, An' tease my name in kintry clatter, The mair they talk, I'm kent the better, E'en let them clash; An auld wife's tongue's a feckless matter To gie ane fash. Welcome! my bonie, sweet, wee dochter, Tho' ye come here a wee unsought for, And tho' your comin' I hae fought for, Baith kirk and queir; Yet, by my faith, ye're no unwrought for, That I shall swear! Wee image o' my bonie Betty, As fatherly I kiss and daut thee, As dear, and near my heart I set thee Wi' as gude will As a' the priests had seen me get thee That's out o' hell. Sweet fruit o' mony a merry dint, My funny toil is now a' tint, Sin' thou came to the warl' asklent, Which fools may scoff at; In my last plack thy part's be in't The better ha'f o't. Tho' I should be the waur bestead, Thou's be as braw and bienly clad, And thy young years as nicely bred Wi' education, As ony brat o' wedlock's bed, In a' thy station. Lord grant that thou may aye inherit Thy mither's person, grace, an' merit, An' thy poor, worthless daddy's spirit, Without his failins, 'Twill please me mair to see thee heir it, Than stockit mailens. For if thou be what I wad hae thee, And tak the counsel I shall gie thee, I'll never rue my trouble wi' thee, The cost nor shame o't, But be a loving father to thee, And brag the name o't. [Footnote 1: Burns never published this poem.] O leave novels, ye Mauchline belles, Ye're safer at your spinning-wheel; Such witching books are baited hooks For rakish rooks, like Rob Mossgiel; Your fine Tom Jones and Grandisons, They make your youthful fancies reel; They heat your brains, and fire your veins, And then you're prey for Rob Mossgiel. Beware a tongue that's smoothly hung, A heart that warmly seems to feel; That feeling heart but acts a part- 'Tis rakish art in Rob Mossgiel. The frank address, the soft caress, Are worse than poisoned darts of steel; The frank address, and politesse, Are all finesse in Rob Mossgiel. Tune - "I had a horse, I had nae mair." When first I came to Stewart Kyle, My mind it was na steady; Where'er I gaed, where'er I rade, A mistress still I had aye. But when I came roun' by Mauchline toun, Not dreadin anybody, My heart was caught, before I thought, And by a Mauchline lady. Tune - "Black Jock." My girl she's airy, she's buxom and gay; Her breath is as sweet as the blossoms in May; A touch of her lips it ravishes quite: She's always good natur'd, good humour'd, and free; She dances, she glances, she smiles upon me; I never am happy when out of her sight. In Mauchline there dwells six proper young belles, The pride of the place and its neighbourhood a'; Their carriage and dress, a stranger would guess, In Lon'on or Paris, they'd gotten it a'. Miss Miller is fine, Miss Markland's divine, Miss Smith she has wit, and Miss Betty is braw: There's beauty and fortune to get wi' Miss Morton, But Armour's the jewel for me o' them a'. Below thir stanes lie Jamie's banes; O Death, it's my opinion, Thou ne'er took such a bleth'rin bitch Into thy dark dominion! As father Adam first was fool'd, (A case that's still too common,) Here lies man a woman ruled, The devil ruled the woman. O Death, had'st thou but spar'd his life, Whom we this day lament, We freely wad exchanged the wife, And a' been weel content. Ev'n as he is, cauld in his graff, The swap we yet will do't; Tak thou the carlin's carcase aff, Thou'se get the saul o'boot. One Queen Artemisia, as old stories tell, When deprived of her husband she loved so well, In respect for the love and affection he show'd her, She reduc'd him to dust and she drank up the powder. But Queen Netherplace, of a diff'rent complexion, When called on to order the fun'ral direction, Would have eat her dead lord, on a slender pretence, Not to show her respect, but-to save the expense! As Tam the chapman on a day, Wi'Death forgather'd by the way, Weel pleas'd, he greets a wight so famous, And Death was nae less pleas'd wi' Thomas, Wha cheerfully lays down his pack, And there blaws up a hearty crack: His social, friendly, honest heart Sae tickled Death, they could na part; Sae, after viewing knives and garters, Death taks him hame to gie him quarters. Ae day, as Death, that gruesome carl, Was driving to the tither warl' A mixtie-maxtie motley squad, And mony a guilt-bespotted lad- Black gowns of each denomination, And thieves of every rank and station, From him that wears the star and garter, To him that wintles in a halter: Ashamed himself to see the wretches, He mutters, glowrin at the bitches, "By God I'll not be seen behint them, Nor 'mang the sp'ritual core present them, Without, at least, ae honest man, To grace this damn'd infernal clan!" By Adamhill a glance he threw, "Lord God!" quoth he, "I have it now; There's just the man I want, i' faith!" And quickly stoppit Rankine's breath. Written With The Supposed View Of Being Handed To Rankine After The Poet's Interment He who of Rankine sang, lies stiff and dead, And a green grassy hillock hides his head; Alas! alas! a devilish change indeed. When chill November's surly blast Made fields and forests bare, One ev'ning, as I wander'd forth Along the banks of Ayr, I spied a man, whose aged step Seem'd weary, worn with care; His face furrow'd o'er with years, And hoary was his hair. "Young stranger, whither wand'rest thou?" Began the rev'rend sage; "Does thirst of wealth thy step constrain, Or youthful pleasure's rage? Or haply, prest with cares and woes, Too soon thou hast began To wander forth, with me to mourn The miseries of man. "The sun that overhangs yon moors, Out-spreading far and wide, Where hundreds labour to support A haughty lordling's pride;- I've seen yon weary winter-sun Twice forty times return; And ev'ry time has added proofs, That man was made to mourn. "O man! while in thy early years, How prodigal of time! Mis-spending all thy precious hours- Thy glorious, youthful prime! Alternate follies take the sway; Licentious passions burn; Which tenfold force gives Nature's law. That man was made to mourn. "Look not alone on youthful prime, Or manhood's active might; Man then is useful to his kind, Supported in his right: But see him on the edge of life, With cares and sorrows worn; Then Age and Want-oh! ill-match'd pair- Shew man was made to mourn. "A few seem favourites of fate, In pleasure's lap carest; Yet, think not all the rich and great Are likewise truly blest: But oh! what crowds in ev'ry land, All wretched and forlorn, Thro' weary life this lesson learn, That man was made to mourn. "Many and sharp the num'rous ills Inwoven with our frame! More pointed still we make ourselves, Regret, remorse, and shame! And man, whose heav'n-erected face The smiles of love adorn, - Man's inhumanity to man Makes countless thousands mourn! "See yonder poor, o'erlabour'd wight, So abject, mean, and vile, Who begs a brother of the earth To give him leave to toil; And see his lordly fellow-worm The poor petition spurn, Unmindful, tho' a weeping wife And helpless offspring mourn. "If I'm design'd yon lordling's slave, By Nature's law design'd, Why was an independent wish E'er planted in my mind? If not, why am I subject to His cruelty, or scorn? Or why has man the will and pow'r To make his fellow mourn? "Yet, let not this too much, my son, Disturb thy youthful breast: This partial view of human-kind Is surely not the last! The poor, oppressed, honest man Had never, sure, been born, Had there not been some recompense To comfort those that mourn! "O Death! the poor man's dearest friend, The kindest and the best! Welcome the hour my aged limbs Are laid with thee at rest! The great, the wealthy fear thy blow From pomp and pleasure torn; But, oh! a blest relief for those That weary-laden mourn!" "Blockheads with reason wicked wits abhor, But fool with fool is barbarous civil war,"-Pope. O a' ye pious godly flocks, Weel fed on pastures orthodox, Wha now will keep you frae the fox, Or worrying tykes? Or wha will tent the waifs an' crocks, About the dykes? The twa best herds in a' the wast, The e'er ga'e gospel horn a blast These five an' twenty simmers past- Oh, dool to tell! Hae had a bitter black out-cast Atween themsel'. O, Moddie,^1 man, an' wordy Russell,^2 How could you raise so vile a bustle; Ye'll see how New-Light herds will whistle, An' think it fine! The Lord's cause ne'er gat sic a twistle, Sin' I hae min'. O, sirs! whae'er wad hae expeckit Your duty ye wad sae negleckit, Ye wha were ne'er by lairds respeckit To wear the plaid; But by the brutes themselves eleckit, To be their guide. What flock wi' Moodie's flock could rank?- Sae hale and hearty every shank! Nae poison'd soor Arminian stank He let them taste; Frae Calvin's well, aye clear, drank, - O, sic a feast! [Footnote 1: Rev. Mr. Moodie of Riccarton.] [Footnote 2: Rev. John Russell of Kilmarnock.] The thummart, willcat, brock, an' tod, Weel kend his voice thro' a' the wood, He smell'd their ilka hole an' road, Baith out an in; An' weel he lik'd to shed their bluid, An' sell their skin. What herd like Russell tell'd his tale; His voice was heard thro' muir and dale, He kenn'd the Lord's sheep, ilka tail, Owre a' the height; An' saw gin they were sick or hale, At the first sight. He fine a mangy sheep could scrub, Or nobly fling the gospel club, And New-Light herds could nicely drub Or pay their skin; Could shake them o'er the burning dub, Or heave them in. Sic twa-O! do I live to see't?- Sic famous twa should disagree't, And names, like "villain," "hypocrite," Ilk ither gi'en, While New-Light herds, wi' laughin spite, Say neither's liein! A' ye wha tent the gospel fauld, There's Duncan^3 deep, an' Peebles^4 shaul, But chiefly thou, apostle Auld,^5 We trust in thee, That thou wilt work them, het an' cauld, Till they agree. Consider, sirs, how we're beset; There's scarce a new herd that we get, But comes frae 'mang that cursed set, I winna name; I hope frae heav'n to see them yet In fiery flame. [Footnote 3: Dr. Robert Duncan of Dundonald.] [Footnote 4: Rev. Wm. Peebles of Newton-on-Ayr.] [Footnote 5: Rev. Wm. Auld of Mauchline.] Dalrymple^6 has been lang our fae, M'Gill^7 has wrought us meikle wae, An' that curs'd rascal ca'd M'Quhae,^8 And baith the Shaws,^9 That aft hae made us black an' blae, Wi' vengefu' paws. Auld Wodrow^10 lang has hatch'd mischief; We thought aye death wad bring relief; But he has gotten, to our grief, Ane to succeed him,^11 A chield wha'll soundly buff our beef; I meikle dread him. And mony a ane that I could tell, Wha fain wad openly rebel, Forby turn-coats amang oursel', There's Smith^12 for ane; I doubt he's but a grey nick quill, An' that ye'll fin'. O! a' ye flocks o'er a, the hills, By mosses, meadows, moors, and fells, Come, join your counsel and your skills To cowe the lairds, An' get the brutes the power themsel's To choose their herds. Then Orthodoxy yet may prance, An' Learning in a woody dance, An' that fell cur ca'd Common Sense, That bites sae sair, Be banished o'er the sea to France: Let him bark there. Then Shaw's an' D'rymple's eloquence, M'Gill's close nervous excellence [Footnote 6: Rev. Dr. Dalrymple of Ayr.] [Footnote 7: Rev. Wm. M'Gill, colleague of Dr. Dalrymple.] [Footnote 8: Minister of St. Quivox.] [Footnote 9: Dr. Andrew Shaw of Craigie, and Dr. David Shaw of Coylton.] [Footnote 10: Dr. Peter Wodrow of Tarbolton.] [Footnote 11: Rev. John M'Math, a young assistant and successor to Wodrow.] [Footnote 12: Rev. George Smith of Galston.] M'Quhae's pathetic manly sense, An' guid M'Math, Wi' Smith, wha thro' the heart can glance, May a' pack aff. January While winds frae aff Ben-Lomond blaw, An' bar the doors wi' driving snaw, An' hing us owre the ingle, I set me down to pass the time, An' spin a verse or twa o' rhyme, In hamely, westlin jingle. While frosty winds blaw in the drift, Ben to the chimla lug, I grudge a wee the great-folk's gift, That live sae bien an' snug: I tent less, and want less Their roomy fire-side; But hanker, and canker, To see their cursed pride. It's hardly in a body's pow'r To keep, at times, frae being sour, To see how things are shar'd; How best o' chiels are whiles in want, While coofs on countless thousands rant, And ken na how to wair't; But, Davie, lad, ne'er fash your head, Tho' we hae little gear; We're fit to win our daily bread, As lang's we're hale and fier: "Mair spier na, nor fear na,"^1 Auld age ne'er mind a feg; The last o't, the warst o't Is only but to beg. To lie in kilns and barns at e'en, When banes are craz'd, and bluid is thin, Is doubtless, great distress! [Footnote 1: Ramsay. - R. B.] Yet then content could make us blest; Ev'n then, sometimes, we'd snatch a taste Of truest happiness. The honest heart that's free frae a' Intended fraud or guile, However Fortune kick the ba', Has aye some cause to smile; An' mind still, you'll find still, A comfort this nae sma'; Nae mair then we'll care then, Nae farther can we fa'. What tho', like commoners of air, We wander out, we know not where, But either house or hal', Yet nature's charms, the hills and woods, The sweeping vales, and foaming floods, Are free alike to all. In days when daisies deck the ground, And blackbirds whistle clear, With honest joy our hearts will bound, To see the coming year: On braes when we please, then, We'll sit an' sowth a tune; Syne rhyme till't we'll time till't, An' sing't when we hae done. It's no in titles nor in rank; It's no in wealth like Lon'on bank, To purchase peace and rest: It's no in makin' muckle, mair; It's no in books, it's no in lear, To make us truly blest: If happiness hae not her seat An' centre in the breast, We may be wise, or rich, or great, But never can be blest; Nae treasures, nor pleasures Could make us happy lang; The heart aye's the part aye That makes us right or wrang. Think ye, that sic as you and I, Wha drudge an' drive thro' wet and dry, Wi' never-ceasing toil; Think ye, are we less blest than they, Wha scarcely tent us in their way, As hardly worth their while? Alas! how aft in haughty mood, God's creatures they oppress! Or else, neglecting a' that's guid, They riot in excess! Baith careless and fearless Of either heaven or hell; Esteeming and deeming It's a' an idle tale! Then let us cheerfu' acquiesce, Nor make our scanty pleasures less, By pining at our state: And, even should misfortunes come, I, here wha sit, hae met wi' some- An's thankfu' for them yet. They gie the wit of age to youth; They let us ken oursel'; They make us see the naked truth, The real guid and ill: Tho' losses an' crosses Be lessons right severe, There's wit there, ye'll get there, Ye'll find nae other where. But tent me, Davie, ace o' hearts! (To say aught less wad wrang the cartes, And flatt'ry I detest) This life has joys for you and I; An' joys that riches ne'er could buy, An' joys the very best. There's a' the pleasures o' the heart, The lover an' the frien'; Ye hae your Meg, your dearest part, And I my darling Jean! It warms me, it charms me, To mention but her name: It heats me, it beets me, An' sets me a' on flame! O all ye Pow'rs who rule above! O Thou whose very self art love! Thou know'st my words sincere! The life-blood streaming thro' my heart, Or my more dear immortal part, Is not more fondly dear! When heart-corroding care and grief Deprive my soul of rest, Her dear idea brings relief, And solace to my breast. Thou Being, All-seeing, O hear my fervent pray'r; Still take her, and make her Thy most peculiar care! All hail! ye tender feelings dear! The smile of love, the friendly tear, The sympathetic glow! Long since, this world's thorny ways Had number'd out my weary days, Had it not been for you! Fate still has blest me with a friend, In ev'ry care and ill; And oft a more endearing band- A tie more tender still. It lightens, it brightens The tenebrific scene, To meet with, and greet with My Davie, or my Jean! O, how that name inspires my style! The words come skelpin, rank an' file, Amaist before I ken! The ready measure rins as fine, As Phoebus an' the famous Nine Were glowrin owre my pen. My spaviet Pegasus will limp, Till ance he's fairly het; And then he'll hilch, and stilt, an' jimp, And rin an unco fit: But least then the beast then Should rue this hasty ride, I'll light now, and dight now His sweaty, wizen'd hide. "And send the godly in a pet to pray." - Pope. Argument. Holy Willie was a rather oldish bachelor elder, in the parish of Mauchline, and much and justly famed for that polemical chattering, which ends in tippling orthodoxy, and for that spiritualized bawdry which refines to liquorish devotion. In a sessional process with a gentleman in Mauchline-a Mr.Gavin Hamilton-Holy Willie and his priest, Father Auld, after full hearing in the presbytery of Ayr, came off but second best; owing partly to the oratorical powers of Mr. Robert Aiken, Mr. Hamilton's counsel; but chiefly to Mr. Hamilton's being one of the most irreproachable and truly respectable characters in the county. On losing the process, the muse overheard him [Holy Willie] at his devotions, as follows:- O Thou, who in the heavens does dwell, Who, as it pleases best Thysel', Sends ane to heaven an' ten to hell, A' for Thy glory, And no for ony gude or ill They've done afore Thee! I bless and praise Thy matchless might, When thousands Thou hast left in night, That I am here afore Thy sight, For gifts an' grace A burning and a shining light To a' this place. What was I, or my generation, That I should get sic exaltation, I wha deserve most just damnation For broken laws, Five thousand years ere my creation, Thro' Adam's cause? When frae my mither's womb I fell, Thou might hae plunged me in hell, To gnash my gums, to weep and wail, In burnin lakes, Where damned devils roar and yell, Chain'd to their stakes. Yet I am here a chosen sample, To show thy grace is great and ample; I'm here a pillar o' Thy temple, Strong as a rock, A guide, a buckler, and example, To a' Thy flock. O Lord, Thou kens what zeal I bear, When drinkers drink, an' swearers swear, An' singin there, an' dancin here, Wi' great and sma'; For I am keepit by Thy fear Free frae them a'. But yet, O Lord! confess I must, At times I'm fash'd wi' fleshly lust: An' sometimes, too, in wardly trust, Vile self gets in: But Thou remembers we are dust, Defil'd wi' sin. O Lord! yestreen, Thou kens, wi' Meg- Thy pardon I sincerely beg, O! may't ne'er be a livin plague To my dishonour, An' I'll ne'er lift a lawless leg Again upon her. Besides, I farther maun allow, Wi' Leezie's lass, three times I trow- But Lord, that Friday I was fou, When I cam near her; Or else, Thou kens, Thy servant true Wad never steer her. Maybe Thou lets this fleshly thorn Buffet Thy servant e'en and morn, Lest he owre proud and high shou'd turn, That he's sae gifted: If sae, Thy han' maun e'en be borne, Until Thou lift it. Lord, bless Thy chosen in this place, For here Thou hast a chosen race: But God confound their stubborn face, An' blast their name, Wha bring Thy elders to disgrace An' public shame. Lord, mind Gaw'n Hamilton's deserts; He drinks, an' swears, an' plays at cartes, Yet has sae mony takin arts, Wi' great and sma', Frae God's ain priest the people's hearts He steals awa. An' when we chasten'd him therefor, Thou kens how he bred sic a splore, An' set the warld in a roar O' laughing at us;- Curse Thou his basket and his store, Kail an' potatoes. Lord, hear my earnest cry and pray'r, Against that Presbyt'ry o' Ayr; Thy strong right hand, Lord, make it bare Upo' their heads; Lord visit them, an' dinna spare, For their misdeeds. O Lord, my God! that glib-tongu'd Aiken, My vera heart and flesh are quakin, To think how we stood sweatin', shakin, An' p-'d wi' dread, While he, wi' hingin lip an' snakin, Held up his head. Lord, in Thy day o' vengeance try him, Lord, visit them wha did employ him, And pass not in Thy mercy by 'em, Nor hear their pray'r, But for Thy people's sake, destroy 'em, An' dinna spare. But, Lord, remember me an' mine Wi' mercies temp'ral an' divine, That I for grace an' gear may shine, Excell'd by nane, And a' the glory shall be thine, Amen, Amen! Here Holy Willie's sair worn clay Taks up its last abode; His saul has ta'en some other way, I fear, the left-hand road. Stop! there he is, as sure's a gun, Poor, silly body, see him; Nae wonder he's as black's the grun, Observe wha's standing wi' him. Your brunstane devilship, I see, Has got him there before ye; But haud your nine-tail cat a wee, Till ance you've heard my story. Your pity I will not implore, For pity ye have nane; Justice, alas! has gi'en him o'er, And mercy's day is gane. But hear me, Sir, deil as ye are, Look something to your credit; A coof like him wad stain your name, If it were kent ye did it. A True Story Some books are lies frae end to end, And some great lies were never penn'd: Ev'n ministers they hae been kenn'd, In holy rapture, A rousing whid at times to vend, And nail't wi' Scripture. But this that I am gaun to tell, Which lately on a night befell, Is just as true's the Deil's in hell Or Dublin city: That e'er he nearer comes oursel' 'S a muckle pity. The clachan yill had made me canty, I was na fou, but just had plenty; I stacher'd whiles, but yet too tent aye To free the ditches; An' hillocks, stanes, an' bushes, kenn'd eye Frae ghaists an' witches. The rising moon began to glowre The distant Cumnock hills out-owre: To count her horns, wi' a my pow'r, I set mysel'; But whether she had three or four, I cou'd na tell. I was come round about the hill, An' todlin down on Willie's mill, Setting my staff wi' a' my skill, To keep me sicker; Tho' leeward whiles, against my will, I took a bicker. I there wi' Something did forgather, That pat me in an eerie swither; An' awfu' scythe, out-owre ae shouther, Clear-dangling, hang; A three-tae'd leister on the ither Lay, large an' lang. Its stature seem'd lang Scotch ells twa, The queerest shape that e'er I saw, For fient a wame it had ava; And then its shanks, They were as thin, as sharp an' sma' As cheeks o' branks. "Guid-een," quo' I; "Friend! hae ye been mawin, When ither folk are busy sawin!"^1 I seem'd to make a kind o' stan' But naething spak; At length, says I, "Friend! whare ye gaun? Will ye go back?" It spak right howe, - "My name is Death, But be na fley'd."-Quoth I, "Guid faith, Ye're maybe come to stap my breath; But tent me, billie; I red ye weel, tak care o' skaith See, there's a gully!" "Gudeman," quo' he, "put up your whittle, I'm no designed to try its mettle; But if I did, I wad be kittle To be mislear'd; I wad na mind it, no that spittle Out-owre my beard." "Weel, weel!" says I, "a bargain be't; Come, gie's your hand, an' sae we're gree't; We'll ease our shanks an tak a seat- Come, gie's your news; This while ye hae been mony a gate, At mony a house."^2 [Footnote 1: This recontre happened in seed-time, 1785. - R.B.] [Footnote 2: An epidemical fever was then raging in that country. - R.B.] "Ay, ay!" quo' he, an' shook his head, "It's e'en a lang, lang time indeed Sin' I began to nick the thread, An' choke the breath: Folk maun do something for their bread, An' sae maun Death. "Sax thousand years are near-hand fled Sin' I was to the butching bred, An' mony a scheme in vain's been laid, To stap or scar me; Till ane Hornbook's^3 ta'en up the trade, And faith! he'll waur me. "Ye ken Hornbook i' the clachan, Deil mak his king's-hood in spleuchan! He's grown sae weel acquaint wi' Buchan^4 And ither chaps, The weans haud out their fingers laughin, An' pouk my hips. "See, here's a scythe, an' there's dart, They hae pierc'd mony a gallant heart; But Doctor Hornbook, wi' his art An' cursed skill, Has made them baith no worth a f-t, Damn'd haet they'll kill! "'Twas but yestreen, nae farther gane, I threw a noble throw at ane; Wi' less, I'm sure, I've hundreds slain; But deil-ma-care, It just play'd dirl on the bane, But did nae mair. "Hornbook was by, wi' ready art, An' had sae fortify'd the part, [Footnote 3: This gentleman, Dr. Hornbook, is professionally a brother of the sovereign Order of the Ferula; but, by intuition and inspiration, is at once an apothecary, surgeon, and physician. - R.B.] [Footnote 4: Burchan's Domestic Medicine. - R.B.] That when I looked to my dart, It was sae blunt, Fient haet o't wad hae pierc'd the heart Of a kail-runt. "I drew my scythe in sic a fury, I near-hand cowpit wi' my hurry, But yet the bauld Apothecary Withstood the shock; I might as weel hae tried a quarry O' hard whin rock. "Ev'n them he canna get attended, Altho' their face he ne'er had kend it, Just-in a kail-blade, an' sent it, As soon's he smells 't, Baith their disease, and what will mend it, At once he tells 't. "And then, a' doctor's saws an' whittles, Of a' dimensions, shapes, an' mettles, A' kind o' boxes, mugs, an' bottles, He's sure to hae; Their Latin names as fast he rattles as A B C. "Calces o' fossils, earths, and trees; True sal-marinum o' the seas; The farina of beans an' pease, He has't in plenty; Aqua-fontis, what you please, He can content ye. "Forbye some new, uncommon weapons, Urinus spiritus of capons; Or mite-horn shavings, filings, scrapings, Distill'd per se; Sal-alkali o' midge-tail clippings, And mony mae." "Waes me for Johnie Ged's^5 Hole now," Quoth I, "if that thae news be true! His braw calf-ward whare gowans grew, Sae white and bonie, Nae doubt they'll rive it wi' the plew; They'll ruin Johnie!" The creature grain'd an eldritch laugh, And says "Ye needna yoke the pleugh, Kirkyards will soon be till'd eneugh, Tak ye nae fear: They'll be trench'd wi' mony a sheugh, In twa-three year. "Whare I kill'd ane, a fair strae-death, By loss o' blood or want of breath This night I'm free to tak my aith, That Hornbook's skill Has clad a score i' their last claith, By drap an' pill. "An honest wabster to his trade, Whase wife's twa nieves were scarce weel-bred Gat tippence-worth to mend her head, When it was sair; The wife slade cannie to her bed, But ne'er spak mair. "A country laird had ta'en the batts, Or some curmurring in his guts, His only son for Hornbook sets, An' pays him well: The lad, for twa guid gimmer-pets, Was laird himsel'. "A bonie lass-ye kend her name- Some ill-brewn drink had hov'd her wame; She trusts hersel', to hide the shame, In Hornbook's care; Horn sent her aff to her lang hame, To hide it there. [Footnote 5: The grave-digger. - R.B.] "That's just a swatch o' Hornbook's way; Thus goes he on from day to day, Thus does he poison, kill, an' slay, An's weel paid for't; Yet stops me o' my lawfu' prey, Wi' his damn'd dirt: "But, hark! I'll tell you of a plot, Tho' dinna ye be speakin o't; I'll nail the self-conceited sot, As dead's a herrin; Neist time we meet, I'll wad a groat, He gets his fairin!" But just as he began to tell, The auld kirk-hammer strak the bell Some wee short hour ayont the twal', Which rais'd us baith: I took the way that pleas'd mysel', And sae did Death. April 1, 1785 While briers an' woodbines budding green, An' paitricks scraichin loud at e'en, An' morning poussie whiddin seen, Inspire my muse, This freedom, in an unknown frien', I pray excuse. On Fasten-e'en we had a rockin, To ca' the crack and weave our stockin; And there was muckle fun and jokin, Ye need na doubt; At length we had a hearty yokin At sang about. There was ae sang, amang the rest, Aboon them a' it pleas'd me best, That some kind husband had addrest To some sweet wife; It thirl'd the heart-strings thro' the breast, A' to the life. I've scarce heard ought describ'd sae weel, What gen'rous, manly bosoms feel; Thought I "Can this be Pope, or Steele, Or Beattie's wark?" They tauld me 'twas an odd kind chiel About Muirkirk. It pat me fidgin-fain to hear't, An' sae about him there I speir't; Then a' that kent him round declar'd He had ingine; That nane excell'd it, few cam near't, It was sae fine: That, set him to a pint of ale, An' either douce or merry tale, Or rhymes an' sangs he'd made himsel, Or witty catches- 'Tween Inverness an' Teviotdale, He had few matches. Then up I gat, an' swoor an aith, Tho' I should pawn my pleugh an' graith, Or die a cadger pownie's death, At some dyke-back, A pint an' gill I'd gie them baith, To hear your crack. But, first an' foremost, I should tell, Amaist as soon as I could spell, I to the crambo-jingle fell; Tho' rude an' rough- Yet crooning to a body's sel' Does weel eneugh. I am nae poet, in a sense; But just a rhymer like by chance, An' hae to learning nae pretence; Yet, what the matter? Whene'er my muse does on me glance, I jingle at her. Your critic-folk may cock their nose, And say, "How can you e'er propose, You wha ken hardly verse frae prose, To mak a sang?" But, by your leaves, my learned foes, Ye're maybe wrang. What's a' your jargon o' your schools- Your Latin names for horns an' stools? If honest Nature made you fools, What sairs your grammars? Ye'd better taen up spades and shools, Or knappin-hammers. A set o' dull, conceited hashes Confuse their brains in college classes! They gang in stirks, and come out asses, Plain truth to speak; An' syne they think to climb Parnassus By dint o' Greek! Gie me ae spark o' nature's fire, That's a' the learning I desire; Then tho' I drudge thro' dub an' mire At pleugh or cart, My muse, tho' hamely in attire, May touch the heart. O for a spunk o' Allan's glee, Or Fergusson's the bauld an' slee, Or bright Lapraik's, my friend to be, If I can hit it! That would be lear eneugh for me, If I could get it. Now, sir, if ye hae friends enow, Tho' real friends, I b'lieve, are few; Yet, if your catalogue be fu', I'se no insist: But, gif ye want ae friend that's true, I'm on your list. I winna blaw about mysel, As ill I like my fauts to tell; But friends, an' folk that wish me well, They sometimes roose me; Tho' I maun own, as mony still As far abuse me. There's ae wee faut they whiles lay to me, I like the lasses-Gude forgie me! For mony a plack they wheedle frae me At dance or fair; Maybe some ither thing they gie me, They weel can spare. But Mauchline Race, or Mauchline Fair, I should be proud to meet you there; We'se gie ae night's discharge to care, If we forgather; An' hae a swap o' rhymin-ware Wi' ane anither. The four-gill chap, we'se gar him clatter, An' kirsen him wi' reekin water; Syne we'll sit down an' tak our whitter, To cheer our heart; An' faith, we'se be acquainted better Before we part. Awa ye selfish, war'ly race, Wha think that havins, sense, an' grace, Ev'n love an' friendship should give place To catch-the-plack! I dinna like to see your face, Nor hear your crack. But ye whom social pleasure charms Whose hearts the tide of kindness warms, Who hold your being on the terms, "Each aid the others," Come to my bowl, come to my arms, My friends, my brothers! But, to conclude my lang epistle, As my auld pen's worn to the gristle, Twa lines frae you wad gar me fissle, Who am, most fervent, While I can either sing or whistle, Your friend and servant. April 21, 1785 While new-ca'd kye rowte at the stake An' pownies reek in pleugh or braik, This hour on e'enin's edge I take, To own I'm debtor To honest-hearted, auld Lapraik, For his kind letter. Forjesket sair, with weary legs, Rattlin the corn out-owre the rigs, Or dealing thro' amang the naigs Their ten-hours' bite, My awkart Muse sair pleads and begs I would na write. The tapetless, ramfeezl'd hizzie, She's saft at best an' something lazy: Quo' she, "Ye ken we've been sae busy This month an' mair, That trowth, my head is grown right dizzie, An' something sair." Her dowff excuses pat me mad; "Conscience," says I, "ye thowless jade! I'll write, an' that a hearty blaud, This vera night; So dinna ye affront your trade, But rhyme it right. "Shall bauld Lapraik, the king o' hearts, Tho' mankind were a pack o' cartes, Roose you sae weel for your deserts, In terms sae friendly; Yet ye'll neglect to shaw your parts An' thank him kindly?" Sae I gat paper in a blink, An' down gaed stumpie in the ink: Quoth I, "Before I sleep a wink, I vow I'll close it; An' if ye winna mak it clink, By Jove, I'll prose it!" Sae I've begun to scrawl, but whether In rhyme, or prose, or baith thegither; Or some hotch-potch that's rightly neither, Let time mak proof; But I shall scribble down some blether Just clean aff-loof. My worthy friend, ne'er grudge an' carp, Tho' fortune use you hard an' sharp; Come, kittle up your moorland harp Wi' gleesome touch! Ne'er mind how Fortune waft and warp; She's but a bitch. She 's gien me mony a jirt an' fleg, Sin' I could striddle owre a rig; But, by the Lord, tho' I should beg Wi' lyart pow, I'll laugh an' sing, an' shake my leg, As lang's I dow! Now comes the sax-an'-twentieth simmer I've seen the bud upon the timmer, Still persecuted by the limmer Frae year to year; But yet, despite the kittle kimmer, I, Rob, am here. Do ye envy the city gent, Behint a kist to lie an' sklent; Or pursue-proud, big wi' cent. per cent. An' muckle wame, In some bit brugh to represent A bailie's name? Or is't the paughty, feudal thane, Wi' ruffl'd sark an' glancing cane, Wha thinks himsel nae sheep-shank bane, But lordly stalks; While caps and bonnets aff are taen, As by he walks? "O Thou wha gies us each guid gift! Gie me o' wit an' sense a lift, Then turn me, if thou please, adrift, Thro' Scotland wide; Wi' cits nor lairds I wadna shift, In a' their pride!" Were this the charter of our state, "On pain o' hell be rich an' great," Damnation then would be our fate, Beyond remead; But, thanks to heaven, that's no the gate We learn our creed. For thus the royal mandate ran, When first the human race began; "The social, friendly, honest man, Whate'er he be- 'Tis he fulfils great Nature's plan, And none but he." O mandate glorious and divine! The ragged followers o' the Nine, Poor, thoughtless devils! yet may shine In glorious light, While sordid sons o' Mammon's line Are dark as night! Tho' here they scrape, an' squeeze, an' growl, Their worthless nievefu' of a soul May in some future carcase howl, The forest's fright; Or in some day-detesting owl May shun the light. Then may Lapraik and Burns arise, To reach their native, kindred skies, And sing their pleasures, hopes an' joys, In some mild sphere; Still closer knit in friendship's ties, Each passing year! Schoolmaster, Ochiltree. - May, 1785 I gat your letter, winsome Willie; Wi' gratefu' heart I thank you brawlie; Tho' I maun say't, I wad be silly, And unco vain, Should I believe, my coaxin billie Your flatterin strain. But I'se believe ye kindly meant it: I sud be laith to think ye hinted Ironic satire, sidelins sklented On my poor Musie; Tho' in sic phraisin terms ye've penn'd it, I scarce excuse ye. My senses wad be in a creel, Should I but dare a hope to speel Wi' Allan, or wi' Gilbertfield, The braes o' fame; Or Fergusson, the writer-chiel, A deathless name. (O Fergusson! thy glorious parts Ill suited law's dry, musty arts! My curse upon your whunstane hearts, Ye E'nbrugh gentry! The tithe o' what ye waste at cartes Wad stow'd his pantry!) Yet when a tale comes i' my head, Or lassies gie my heart a screed- As whiles they're like to be my dead, (O sad disease!) I kittle up my rustic reed; It gies me ease. Auld Coila now may fidge fu' fain, She's gotten poets o' her ain; Chiels wha their chanters winna hain, But tune their lays, Till echoes a' resound again Her weel-sung praise. Nae poet thought her worth his while, To set her name in measur'd style; She lay like some unkenn'd-of-isle Beside New Holland, Or whare wild-meeting oceans boil Besouth Magellan. Ramsay an' famous Fergusson Gied Forth an' Tay a lift aboon; Yarrow an' Tweed, to monie a tune, Owre Scotland rings; While Irwin, Lugar, Ayr, an' Doon Naebody sings. Th' Illissus, Tiber, Thames, an' Seine, Glide sweet in monie a tunefu' line: But Willie, set your fit to mine, An' cock your crest; We'll gar our streams an' burnies shine Up wi' the best! We'll sing auld Coila's plains an' fells, Her moors red-brown wi' heather bells, Her banks an' braes, her dens and dells, Whare glorious Wallace Aft bure the gree, as story tells, Frae Suthron billies. At Wallace' name, what Scottish blood But boils up in a spring-tide flood! Oft have our fearless fathers strode By Wallace' side, Still pressing onward, red-wat-shod, Or glorious died! O, sweet are Coila's haughs an' woods, When lintwhites chant amang the buds, And jinkin hares, in amorous whids, Their loves enjoy; While thro' the braes the cushat croods With wailfu' cry! Ev'n winter bleak has charms to me, When winds rave thro' the naked tree; Or frosts on hills of Ochiltree Are hoary gray; Or blinding drifts wild-furious flee, Dark'ning the day! O Nature! a' thy shews an' forms To feeling, pensive hearts hae charms! Whether the summer kindly warms, Wi' life an light; Or winter howls, in gusty storms, The lang, dark night! The muse, nae poet ever fand her, Till by himsel he learn'd to wander, Adown some trottin burn's meander, An' no think lang: O sweet to stray, an' pensive ponder A heart-felt sang! The war'ly race may drudge an' drive, Hog-shouther, jundie, stretch, an' strive; Let me fair Nature's face descrive, And I, wi' pleasure, Shall let the busy, grumbling hive Bum owre their treasure. Fareweel, "my rhyme-composing" brither! We've been owre lang unkenn'd to ither: Now let us lay our heads thegither, In love fraternal: May envy wallop in a tether, Black fiend, infernal! While Highlandmen hate tools an' taxes; While moorlan's herds like guid, fat braxies; While terra firma, on her axis, Diurnal turns; Count on a friend, in faith an' practice, In Robert Burns. Postcript My memory's no worth a preen; I had amaist forgotten clean, Ye bade me write you what they mean By this "new-light," 'Bout which our herds sae aft hae been Maist like to fight. In days when mankind were but callans At grammar, logic, an' sic talents, They took nae pains their speech to balance, Or rules to gie; But spak their thoughts in plain, braid lallans, Like you or me. In thae auld times, they thought the moon, Just like a sark, or pair o' shoon, Wore by degrees, till her last roon Gaed past their viewin; An' shortly after she was done They gat a new ane. This passed for certain, undisputed; It ne'er cam i' their heads to doubt it, Till chiels gat up an' wad confute it, An' ca'd it wrang; An' muckle din there was about it, Baith loud an' lang. Some herds, weel learn'd upo' the beuk, Wad threap auld folk the thing misteuk; For 'twas the auld moon turn'd a neuk An' out of' sight, An' backlins-comin to the leuk She grew mair bright. This was deny'd, it was affirm'd; The herds and hissels were alarm'd The rev'rend gray-beards rav'd an' storm'd, That beardless laddies Should think they better wer inform'd, Than their auld daddies. Frae less to mair, it gaed to sticks; Frae words an' aiths to clours an' nicks; An monie a fallow gat his licks, Wi' hearty crunt; An' some, to learn them for their tricks, Were hang'd an' brunt. This game was play'd in mony lands, An' auld-light caddies bure sic hands, That faith, the youngsters took the sands Wi' nimble shanks; Till lairds forbad, by strict commands, Sic bluidy pranks. But new-light herds gat sic a cowe, Folk thought them ruin'd stick-an-stowe; Till now, amaist on ev'ry knowe Ye'll find ane plac'd; An' some their new-light fair avow, Just quite barefac'd. Nae doubt the auld-light flocks are bleatin; Their zealous herds are vex'd an' sweatin; Mysel', I've even seen them greetin Wi' girnin spite, To hear the moon sae sadly lied on By word an' write. But shortly they will cowe the louns! Some auld-light herds in neebor touns Are mind't, in things they ca' balloons, To tak a flight; An' stay ae month amang the moons An' see them right. Guid observation they will gie them; An' when the auld moon's gaun to lea'e them, The hindmaist shaird, they'll fetch it wi' them Just i' their pouch; An' when the new-light billies see them, I think they'll crouch! Sae, ye observe that a' this clatter Is naething but a "moonshine matter"; But tho' dull prose-folk Latin splatter In logic tulyie, I hope we bardies ken some better Than mind sic brulyie. Tune - "John Anderson, my jo." One night as I did wander, When corn begins to shoot, I sat me down to ponder Upon an auld tree root; Auld Ayr ran by before me, And bicker'd to the seas; A cushat crooded o'er me, That echoed through the braes . . . . . . . Tune - "The Northern Lass." Tho' cruel fate should bid us part, Far as the pole and line, Her dear idea round my heart, Should tenderly entwine. Tho' mountains, rise, and deserts howl, And oceans roar between; Yet, dearer than my deathless soul, I still would love my Jean. . . . . . . . [Footnote 1: Not published by Burns.] Tune - "Daintie Davie." There was a lad was born in Kyle, But whatna day o' whatna style, I doubt it's hardly worth the while To be sae nice wi' Robin. Chor. - Robin was a rovin' boy, Rantin', rovin', rantin', rovin', Robin was a rovin' boy, Rantin', rovin', Robin! Our monarch's hindmost year but ane Was five-and-twenty days begun^2, 'Twas then a blast o' Janwar' win' Blew hansel in on Robin. Robin was, &c. [Footnote 2: January 25, 1759, the date of my bardship's vital existence.-R.B.] The gossip keekit in his loof, Quo' scho, "Wha lives will see the proof, This waly boy will be nae coof: I think we'll ca' him Robin." Robin was, &c. "He'll hae misfortunes great an' sma', But aye a heart aboon them a', He'll be a credit till us a'- We'll a' be proud o' Robin." Robin was, &c. "But sure as three times three mak nine, I see by ilka score and line, This chap will dearly like our kin', So leeze me on thee! Robin." Robin was, &c. "Guid faith," quo', scho, "I doubt you gar The bonie lasses lie aspar; But twenty fauts ye may hae waur So blessins on thee! Robin." Robin was, &c. Now Robin lies in his last lair, He'll gabble rhyme, nor sing nae mair; Cauld poverty, wi' hungry stare, Nae mair shall fear him; Nor anxious fear, nor cankert care, E'er mair come near him. To tell the truth, they seldom fash'd him, Except the moment that they crush'd him; For sune as chance or fate had hush'd 'em Tho' e'er sae short. Then wi' a rhyme or sang he lash'd 'em, And thought it sport. [Footnote 1: Ruisseaux is French for rivulets or "burns," a translation of his name.] Tho'he was bred to kintra-wark, And counted was baith wight and stark, Yet that was never Robin's mark To mak a man; But tell him, he was learn'd and clark, Ye roos'd him then! Author Of The Gospel Recovered.-August, 1785 O Gowdie, terror o' the whigs, Dread o' blackcoats and rev'rend wigs! Sour Bigotry, on her last legs, Girns an' looks back, Wishing the ten Egyptian plagues May seize you quick. Poor gapin', glowrin' Superstition! Wae's me, she's in a sad condition: Fye: bring Black Jock,^1 her state physician, To see her water; Alas, there's ground for great suspicion She'll ne'er get better. Enthusiasm's past redemption, Gane in a gallopin' consumption: Not a' her quacks, wi' a' their gumption, Can ever mend her; Her feeble pulse gies strong presumption, She'll soon surrender. Auld Orthodoxy lang did grapple, For every hole to get a stapple; But now she fetches at the thrapple, An' fights for breath; Haste, gie her name up in the chapel,^2 Near unto death. It's you an' Taylor^3 are the chief To blame for a' this black mischief; [Footnote 1: The Rev. J. Russell, Kilmarnock.-R. B.] [Footnote 2: Mr. Russell's Kirk.-R. B.] [Footnote 3: Dr. Taylor of Norwich.-R. B.] But, could the Lord's ain folk get leave, A toom tar barrel An' twa red peats wad bring relief, And end the quarrel. For me, my skill's but very sma', An' skill in prose I've nane ava'; But quietlins-wise, between us twa, Weel may you speed! And tho' they sud your sair misca', Ne'er fash your head. E'en swinge the dogs, and thresh them sicker! The mair they squeel aye chap the thicker; And still 'mang hands a hearty bicker O' something stout; It gars an owthor's pulse beat quicker, And helps his wit. There's naething like the honest nappy; Whare'll ye e'er see men sae happy, Or women sonsie, saft an' sappy, 'Tween morn and morn, As them wha like to taste the drappie, In glass or horn? I've seen me dazed upon a time, I scarce could wink or see a styme; Just ae half-mutchkin does me prime, - Ought less is little- Then back I rattle on the rhyme, As gleg's a whittle. A robe of seeming truth and trust Hid crafty Observation; And secret hung, with poison'd crust, The dirk of Defamation: [Footnote 1: "Holy Fair" is a common phrase in the west of Scotland for a sacramental occasion.-R. B.] A mask that like the gorget show'd, Dye-varying on the pigeon; And for a mantle large and broad, He wrapt him in Religion. Hypocrisy A-La-Mode Upon a simmer Sunday morn When Nature's face is fair, I walked forth to view the corn, An' snuff the caller air. The rising sun owre Galston muirs Wi' glorious light was glintin; The hares were hirplin down the furrs, The lav'rocks they were chantin Fu' sweet that day. As lightsomely I glowr'd abroad, To see a scene sae gay, Three hizzies, early at the road, Cam skelpin up the way. Twa had manteeles o" dolefu' black, But ane wi' lyart lining; The third, that gaed a wee a-back, Was in the fashion shining Fu' gay that day. The twa appear'd like sisters twin, In feature, form, an' claes; Their visage wither'd, lang an' thin, An' sour as only slaes: The third cam up, hap-stap-an'-lowp, As light as ony lambie, An' wi'a curchie low did stoop, As soon as e'er she saw me, Fu' kind that day. Wi' bonnet aff, quoth I, "Sweet lass, I think ye seem to ken me; I'm sure I've seen that bonie face But yet I canna name ye." Quo' she, an' laughin as she spak, An' taks me by the han's, "Ye, for my sake, hae gien the feck Of a' the ten comman's A screed some day." "My name is Fun-your cronie dear, The nearest friend ye hae; An' this is Superstitution here, An' that's Hypocrisy. I'm gaun to Mauchline Holy Fair, To spend an hour in daffin: Gin ye'll go there, yon runkl'd pair, We will get famous laughin At them this day." Quoth I, "Wi' a' my heart, I'll do't; I'll get my Sunday's sark on, An' meet you on the holy spot; Faith, we'se hae fine remarkin!" Then I gaed hame at crowdie-time, An' soon I made me ready; For roads were clad, frae side to side, Wi' mony a weary body In droves that day. Here farmers gash, in ridin graith, Gaed hoddin by their cotters; There swankies young, in braw braid-claith, Are springing owre the gutters. The lasses, skelpin barefit, thrang, In silks an' scarlets glitter; Wi' sweet-milk cheese, in mony a whang, An' farls, bak'd wi' butter, Fu' crump that day. When by the plate we set our nose, Weel heaped up wi' ha'pence, A greedy glowr black-bonnet throws, An' we maun draw our tippence. Then in we go to see the show: On ev'ry side they're gath'rin; Some carrying dails, some chairs an' stools, An' some are busy bleth'rin Right loud that day. Here stands a shed to fend the show'rs, An' screen our countra gentry; There Racer Jess,^2 an' twa-three whores, Are blinkin at the entry. Here sits a raw o' tittlin jads, Wi' heaving breast an' bare neck; An' there a batch o' wabster lads, Blackguarding frae Kilmarnock, For fun this day. Here, some are thinkin on their sins, An' some upo' their claes; Ane curses feet that fyl'd his shins, Anither sighs an' prays: On this hand sits a chosen swatch, Wi' screwed-up, grace-proud faces; On that a set o' chaps, at watch, Thrang winkin on the lasses To chairs that day. O happy is that man, an' blest! Nae wonder that it pride him! Whase ain dear lass, that he likes best, Comes clinkin down beside him! Wi' arms repos'd on the chair back, He sweetly does compose him; Which, by degrees, slips round her neck, An's loof upon her bosom, Unkend that day. Now a' the congregation o'er Is silent expectation; For Moodie^3 speels the holy door, Wi' tidings o' damnation: [Footnote 2: Racer Jess (d. 1813) was a half-witted daughter of Possie Nansie. She was a great pedestrian.] [Footnote 3: Rev. Alexander Moodie of Riccarton.] Should Hornie, as in ancient days, 'Mang sons o' God present him, The vera sight o' Moodie's face, To 's ain het hame had sent him Wi' fright that day. Hear how he clears the point o' faith Wi' rattlin and wi' thumpin! Now meekly calm, now wild in wrath, He's stampin, an' he's jumpin! His lengthen'd chin, his turned-up snout, His eldritch squeel an' gestures, O how they fire the heart devout, Like cantharidian plaisters On sic a day! But hark! the tent has chang'd its voice, There's peace an' rest nae langer; For a' the real judges rise, They canna sit for anger, Smith^4 opens out his cauld harangues, On practice and on morals; An' aff the godly pour in thrangs, To gie the jars an' barrels A lift that day. What signifies his barren shine, Of moral powers an' reason? His English style, an' gesture fine Are a' clean out o' season. Like Socrates or Antonine, Or some auld pagan heathen, The moral man he does define, But ne'er a word o' faith in That's right that day. In guid time comes an antidote Against sic poison'd nostrum; For Peebles,^5 frae the water-fit, Ascends the holy rostrum: [Footnote 4: Rev. George Smith of Galston.] [Footnote 5: Rev. Wm. Peebles of Newton-upon-Ayr.] See, up he's got, the word o' God, An' meek an' mim has view'd it, While Common-sense has taen the road, An' aff, an' up the Cowgate^6 Fast, fast that day. Wee Miller^7 neist the guard relieves, An' Orthodoxy raibles, Tho' in his heart he weel believes, An' thinks it auld wives' fables: But faith! the birkie wants a manse, So, cannilie he hums them; Altho' his carnal wit an' sense Like hafflins-wise o'ercomes him At times that day. Now, butt an' ben, the change-house fills, Wi' yill-caup commentators; Here 's cryin out for bakes and gills, An' there the pint-stowp clatters; While thick an' thrang, an' loud an' lang, Wi' logic an' wi' scripture, They raise a din, that in the end Is like to breed a rupture O' wrath that day. Leeze me on drink! it gies us mair Than either school or college; It kindles wit, it waukens lear, It pangs us fou o' knowledge: Be't whisky-gill or penny wheep, Or ony stronger potion, It never fails, or drinkin deep, To kittle up our notion, By night or day. The lads an' lasses, blythely bent To mind baith saul an' body, Sit round the table, weel content, An' steer about the toddy: [Footnote 6: A street so called which faces the tent in Mauchline.-R. B.] [Footnote 7: Rev. Alex. Miller, afterward of Kilmaurs.] On this ane's dress, an' that ane's leuk, They're makin observations; While some are cozie i' the neuk, An' forming assignations To meet some day. But now the Lord's ain trumpet touts, Till a' the hills are rairin, And echoes back return the shouts; Black Russell is na sparin: His piercin words, like Highlan' swords, Divide the joints an' marrow; His talk o' Hell, whare devils dwell, Our vera "sauls does harrow" Wi' fright that day! A vast, unbottom'd, boundless pit, Fill'd fou o' lowin brunstane, Whase raging flame, an' scorching heat, Wad melt the hardest whun-stane! The half-asleep start up wi' fear, An' think they hear it roarin; When presently it does appear, 'Twas but some neibor snorin Asleep that day. 'Twad be owre lang a tale to tell, How mony stories past; An' how they crouded to the yill, When they were a' dismist; How drink gaed round, in cogs an' caups, Amang the furms an' benches; An' cheese an' bread, frae women's laps, Was dealt about in lunches An' dawds that day. In comes a gawsie, gash guidwife, An' sits down by the fire, Syne draws her kebbuck an' her knife; The lasses they are shyer: The auld guidmen, about the grace Frae side to side they bother; Till some ane by his bonnet lays, An' gies them't like a tether, Fu' lang that day. Waesucks! for him that gets nae lass, Or lasses that hae naething! Sma' need has he to say a grace, Or melvie his braw claithing! O wives, be mindfu' ance yoursel' How bonie lads ye wanted; An' dinna for a kebbuck-heel Let lasses be affronted On sic a day! Now Clinkumbell, wi' rattlin tow, Begins to jow an' croon; Some swagger hame the best they dow, Some wait the afternoon. At slaps the billies halt a blink, Till lasses strip their shoon: Wi' faith an' hope, an' love an' drink, They're a' in famous tune For crack that day. How mony hearts this day converts O' sinners and o' lasses! Their hearts o' stane, gin night, are gane As saft as ony flesh is: There's some are fou o' love divine; There's some are fou o' brandy; An' mony jobs that day begin, May end in houghmagandie Some ither day. Guid speed and furder to you, Johnie, Guid health, hale han's, an' weather bonie; Now, when ye're nickin down fu' cannie The staff o' bread, May ye ne'er want a stoup o' bran'y To clear your head. May Boreas never thresh your rigs, Nor kick your rickles aff their legs, Sendin the stuff o'er muirs an' haggs Like drivin wrack; But may the tapmost grain that wags Come to the sack. I'm bizzie, too, an' skelpin at it, But bitter, daudin showers hae wat it; Sae my auld stumpie pen I gat it Wi' muckle wark, An' took my jocteleg an whatt it, Like ony clark. It's now twa month that I'm your debtor, For your braw, nameless, dateless letter, Abusin me for harsh ill-nature On holy men, While deil a hair yoursel' ye're better, But mair profane. But let the kirk-folk ring their bells, Let's sing about our noble sel's: We'll cry nae jads frae heathen hills To help, or roose us; But browster wives an' whisky stills, They are the muses. Your friendship, Sir, I winna quat it, An' if ye mak' objections at it, Then hand in neive some day we'll knot it, An' witness take, An' when wi' usquabae we've wat it It winna break. But if the beast an' branks be spar'd Till kye be gaun without the herd, And a' the vittel in the yard, An' theekit right, I mean your ingle-side to guard Ae winter night. Then muse-inspirin' aqua-vitae Shall make us baith sae blythe and witty, Till ye forget ye're auld an' gatty, An' be as canty As ye were nine years less than thretty- Sweet ane an' twenty! But stooks are cowpit wi' the blast, And now the sinn keeks in the west, Then I maun rin amang the rest, An' quat my chanter; Sae I subscribe myself' in haste, Yours, Rab the Ranter. Epistle To The Rev. John M'math Inclosing A Copy Of "Holy Willie's Prayer," Which He Had Requested, Sept. 17, 1785 While at the stook the shearers cow'r To shun the bitter blaudin' show'r, Or in gulravage rinnin scowr To pass the time, To you I dedicate the hour In idle rhyme. My musie, tir'd wi' mony a sonnet On gown, an' ban', an' douse black bonnet, Is grown right eerie now she's done it, Lest they should blame her, An' rouse their holy thunder on it An anathem her. I own 'twas rash, an' rather hardy, That I, a simple, country bardie, Should meddle wi' a pack sae sturdy, Wha, if they ken me, Can easy, wi' a single wordie, Lowse hell upon me. But I gae mad at their grimaces, Their sighin, cantin, grace-proud faces, Their three-mile prayers, an' half-mile graces, Their raxin conscience, Whase greed, revenge, an' pride disgraces Waur nor their nonsense. There's Gaw'n, misca'd waur than a beast, Wha has mair honour in his breast Than mony scores as guid's the priest Wha sae abus'd him: And may a bard no crack his jest What way they've us'd him? See him, the poor man's friend in need, The gentleman in word an' deed- An' shall his fame an' honour bleed By worthless, skellums, An' not a muse erect her head To cowe the blellums? O Pope, had I thy satire's darts To gie the rascals their deserts, I'd rip their rotten, hollow hearts, An' tell aloud Their jugglin hocus-pocus arts To cheat the crowd. God knows, I'm no the thing I should be, Nor am I even the thing I could be, But twenty times I rather would be An atheist clean, Than under gospel colours hid be Just for a screen. An honest man may like a glass, An honest man may like a lass, But mean revenge, an' malice fause He'll still disdain, An' then cry zeal for gospel laws, Like some we ken. They take religion in their mouth; They talk o' mercy, grace, an' truth, For what?-to gie their malice skouth On some puir wight, An' hunt him down, owre right and ruth, To ruin straight. All hail, Religion! maid divine! Pardon a muse sae mean as mine, Who in her rough imperfect line Thus daurs to name thee; To stigmatise false friends of thine Can ne'er defame thee. Tho' blotch't and foul wi' mony a stain, An' far unworthy of thy train, With trembling voice I tune my strain, To join with those Who boldly dare thy cause maintain In spite of foes: In spite o' crowds, in spite o' mobs, In spite o' undermining jobs, In spite o' dark banditti stabs At worth an' merit, By scoundrels, even wi' holy robes, But hellish spirit. O Ayr! my dear, my native ground, Within thy presbyterial bound A candid liberal band is found Of public teachers, As men, as Christians too, renown'd, An' manly preachers. Sir, in that circle you are nam'd; Sir, in that circle you are fam'd; An' some, by whom your doctrine's blam'd (Which gies you honour) Even, sir, by them your heart's esteem'd, An' winning manner. Pardon this freedom I have ta'en, An' if impertinent I've been, Impute it not, good Sir, in ane Whase heart ne'er wrang'd ye, But to his utmost would befriend Ought that belang'd ye. Auld Neibour, I'm three times doubly o'er your debtor, For your auld-farrant, frien'ly letter; Tho' I maun say't I doubt ye flatter, Ye speak sae fair; For my puir, silly, rhymin clatter Some less maun sair. Hale be your heart, hale be your fiddle, Lang may your elbuck jink diddle, To cheer you thro' the weary widdle O' war'ly cares; Till barins' barins kindly cuddle Your auld grey hairs. But Davie, lad, I'm red ye're glaikit; I'm tauld the muse ye hae negleckit; An, gif it's sae, ye sud by lickit Until ye fyke; Sic haun's as you sud ne'er be faikit, Be hain't wha like. For me, I'm on Parnassus' brink, Rivin the words to gar them clink; Whiles dazed wi' love, whiles dazed wi' drink, Wi' jads or masons; An' whiles, but aye owre late, I think Braw sober lessons. Of a' the thoughtless sons o' man, Commen' to me the bardie clan; Except it be some idle plan O' rhymin clink, The devil haet,-that I sud ban- They ever think. Nae thought, nae view, nae scheme o' livin, Nae cares to gie us joy or grievin, But just the pouchie put the neive in, An' while ought's there, Then, hiltie, skiltie, we gae scrievin', An' fash nae mair. Leeze me on rhyme! it's aye a treasure, My chief, amaist my only pleasure; At hame, a-fiel', at wark, or leisure, The Muse, poor hizzie! Tho' rough an' raploch be her measure, She's seldom lazy. Haud to the Muse, my daintie Davie: The warl' may play you mony a shavie; But for the Muse, she'll never leave ye, Tho' e'er sae puir, Na, even tho' limpin wi' the spavie Frae door tae door. Tune-"Loch Eroch-side." Young Peggy blooms our boniest lass, Her blush is like the morning, The rosy dawn, the springing grass, With early gems adorning. Her eyes outshine the radiant beams That gild the passing shower, And glitter o'er the crystal streams, And cheer each fresh'ning flower. Her lips, more than the cherries bright, A richer dye has graced them; They charm th' admiring gazer's sight, And sweetly tempt to taste them; Her smile is as the evening mild, When feather'd pairs are courting, And little lambkins wanton wild, In playful bands disporting. Were Fortune lovely Peggy's foe, Such sweetness would relent her; As blooming spring unbends the brow Of surly, savage Winter. Detraction's eye no aim can gain, Her winning pow'rs to lessen; And fretful Envy grins in vain The poison'd tooth to fasten. Ye Pow'rs of Honour, Love, and Truth, From ev'ry ill defend her! Inspire the highly-favour'd youth The destinies intend her: Still fan the sweet connubial flame Responsive in each bosom; And bless the dear parental name With many a filial blossom. Tune-"Miss Forbe's farewell to Banff." The Catrine woods were yellow seen, The flowers decay'd on Catrine lee, Nae lav'rock sang on hillock green, But nature sicken'd on the e'e. Thro' faded groves Maria sang, Hersel' in beauty's bloom the while; And aye the wild-wood ehoes rang, Fareweel the braes o' Ballochmyle! Low in your wintry beds, ye flowers, Again ye'll flourish fresh and fair; Ye birdies dumb, in with'ring bowers, Again ye'll charm the vocal air. But here, alas! for me nae mair Shall birdie charm, or floweret smile; Fareweel the bonie banks of Ayr, Fareweel, fareweel! sweet Ballochmyle! Her flowing locks, the raven's wing, Adown her neck and bosom hing; How sweet unto that breast to cling, And round that neck entwine her! Her lips are roses wat wi' dew, O' what a feast her bonie mou'! Her cheeks a mair celestial hue, A crimson still diviner! [Footnote 1: Is thought to be a night when witches, devils, and other mischief-making beings are abroad on their baneful midnight errands; particularly those aerial people, the fairies, are said on that night to hold a grand anniversary,.-R.B.] The following poem will, by many readers, be well enough understood; but for the sake of those who are unacquainted with the manners and traditions of the country where the scene is cast, notes are added to give some account of the principal charms and spells of that night, so big with prophecy to the peasantry in the west of Scotland. The passion of prying into futurity makes a striking part of the history of human nature in its rude state, in all ages and nations; and it may be some entertainment to a philosophic mind, if any such honour the author with a perusal, to see the remains of it among the more unenlightened in our own.-R.B. Yes! let the rich deride, the proud disdain, The simple pleasure of the lowly train; To me more dear, congenial to my heart, One native charm, than all the gloss of art.-Goldsmith. Upon that night, when fairies light On Cassilis Downans^2 dance, Or owre the lays, in splendid blaze, On sprightly coursers prance; Or for Colean the rout is ta'en, Beneath the moon's pale beams; There, up the Cove,^3 to stray an' rove, Amang the rocks and streams To sport that night; [Footnote 2: Certain little, romantic, rocky, green hills, in the neighbourhood of the ancient seat of the Earls of Cassilis.-R.B.] [Footnote 3: A noted cavern near Colean house, called the Cove of Colean; which, as well as Cassilis Downans, is famed, in country story, for being a favorite haunt of fairies.-R.B.] Amang the bonie winding banks, Where Doon rins, wimplin, clear; Where Bruce^4 ance rul'd the martial ranks, An' shook his Carrick spear; Some merry, friendly, countra-folks Together did convene, To burn their nits, an' pou their stocks, An' haud their Halloween Fu' blythe that night. [Footnote 4: The famous family of that name, the ancestors of Robert, the great deliverer of his country, were Earls of Carrick.-R.B.] The lasses feat, an' cleanly neat, Mair braw than when they're fine; Their faces blythe, fu' sweetly kythe, Hearts leal, an' warm, an' kin': The lads sae trig, wi' wooer-babs Weel-knotted on their garten; Some unco blate, an' some wi' gabs Gar lasses' hearts gang startin Whiles fast at night. Then, first an' foremost, thro' the kail, Their stocks^5 maun a' be sought ance; [Footnote 5: The first ceremony of Halloween is pulling each a "stock," or plant of kail. They must go out, hand in hand, with eyes shut, and pull the first they meet with: its being big or little, straight or crooked, is prophetic of the size and shape of the grand object of all their spells-the husband or wife. If any "yird," or earth, stick to the root, that is "tocher," or fortune; and the taste of the "custock," that is, the heart of the stem, is indicative of the natural temper and disposition. Lastly, the stems, or, to give them their ordinary appellation, the "runts," are placed somewhere above the head of the door; and the Christian names of the people whom chance brings into the house are, according to the priority of placing the "runts," the names in question.-R. B.] They steek their een, and grape an' wale For muckle anes, an' straught anes. Poor hav'rel Will fell aff the drift, An' wandered thro' the bow-kail, An' pou't for want o' better shift A runt was like a sow-tail Sae bow't that night. Then, straught or crooked, yird or nane, They roar an' cry a' throu'ther; The vera wee-things, toddlin, rin, Wi' stocks out owre their shouther: An' gif the custock's sweet or sour, Wi' joctelegs they taste them; Syne coziely, aboon the door, Wi' cannie care, they've plac'd them To lie that night. The lassies staw frae 'mang them a', To pou their stalks o' corn;^6 But Rab slips out, an' jinks about, Behint the muckle thorn: He grippit Nelly hard and fast: Loud skirl'd a' the lasses; But her tap-pickle maist was lost, Whan kiutlin in the fause-house^7 Wi' him that night. [Footnote 6: They go to the barnyard, and pull each, at three different times,a stalk of oats. If the third stalk wants the "top-pickle," that is, the grainat the top of the stalk, the party in question will come to the marriage-bed anything but a maid.-R.B.] [Footnote 7: When the corn is in a doubtful state, by being too green or wet, the stack-builder, by means of old timber, etc., makes a large apartment in his stack, with an opening in the side which is fairest exposed to the wind: this he calls a "fause-house."-R.B.] The auld guid-wife's weel-hoordit nits^8 Are round an' round dividend, An' mony lads an' lasses' fates Are there that night decided: Some kindle couthie side by side, And burn thegither trimly; Some start awa wi' saucy pride, An' jump out owre the chimlie Fu' high that night. [Footnote 8: Burning the nuts is a favorite charm. They name the lad and lass to each particular nut, as they lay them in the fire; and according as they burn quietly together, or start from beside one another, the course and issue of the courtship will be.-R.B.] Jean slips in twa, wi' tentie e'e; Wha 'twas, she wadna tell; But this is Jock, an' this is me, She says in to hersel': He bleez'd owre her, an' she owre him, As they wad never mair part: Till fuff! he started up the lum, An' Jean had e'en a sair heart To see't that night. Poor Willie, wi' his bow-kail runt, Was brunt wi' primsie Mallie; An' Mary, nae doubt, took the drunt, To be compar'd to Willie: Mall's nit lap out, wi' pridefu' fling, An' her ain fit, it brunt it; While Willie lap, and swore by jing, 'Twas just the way he wanted To be that night. Nell had the fause-house in her min', She pits hersel an' Rob in; In loving bleeze they sweetly join, Till white in ase they're sobbin: Nell's heart was dancin at the view; She whisper'd Rob to leuk for't: Rob, stownlins, prie'd her bonie mou', Fu' cozie in the neuk for't, Unseen that night. But Merran sat behint their backs, Her thoughts on Andrew Bell: She lea'es them gashin at their cracks, An' slips out-by hersel'; She thro' the yard the nearest taks, An' for the kiln she goes then, An' darklins grapit for the bauks, And in the blue-clue^9 throws then, Right fear't that night. [Footnote 9: Whoever would, with success, try this spell, must strictly observe these directions: Steal out, all alone, to the kiln, and darkling, throw into the "pot" a clue of blue yarn; wind it in a new clue off the old one; and, toward the latter end, something will hold the thread: demand, "Wha hauds?" i.e., who holds? and answer will be returned from the kiln-pot, by naming the Christian and surname of your future spouse.-R.B.] An' ay she win't, an' ay she swat- I wat she made nae jaukin; Till something held within the pat, Good Lord! but she was quaukin! But whether 'twas the deil himsel, Or whether 'twas a bauk-en', Or whether it was Andrew Bell, She did na wait on talkin To spier that night. Wee Jenny to her graunie says, "Will ye go wi' me, graunie? I'll eat the apple at the glass,^10 I gat frae uncle Johnie:" She fuff't her pipe wi' sic a lunt, In wrath she was sae vap'rin, She notic't na an aizle brunt Her braw, new, worset apron Out thro' that night. [Footnote 10: Take a candle and go alone to a looking-glass; eat an apple before it, and some traditions say you should comb your hair all the time; the face of your conjungal companion, to be, will be seen in the glass, as if peeping over your shoulder.-R.B.] "Ye little skelpie-limmer's face! I daur you try sic sportin, As seek the foul thief ony place, For him to spae your fortune: Nae doubt but ye may get a sight! Great cause ye hae to fear it; For mony a ane has gotten a fright, An' liv'd an' died deleerit, On sic a night. "Ae hairst afore the Sherra-moor, I mind't as weel's yestreen- I was a gilpey then, I'm sure I was na past fyfteen: The simmer had been cauld an' wat, An' stuff was unco green; An' eye a rantin kirn we gat, An' just on Halloween It fell that night. "Our stibble-rig was Rab M'Graen, A clever, sturdy fallow; His sin gat Eppie Sim wi' wean, That lived in Achmacalla: He gat hemp-seed,^11 I mind it weel, An'he made unco light o't; But mony a day was by himsel', He was sae sairly frighted That vera night." [Footnote 11: Steal out, unperceived, and sow a handful of hemp-seed, harrowing it with anything you can conveniently draw after you. Repeat now and then: "Hemp-seed, I saw thee, hemp-seed, I saw thee; and him (or her) that is to be my true love, come after me and pou thee." Look over your left shoulder, and you will see the appearance of the person invoked, in the attitude of pulling hemp. Some traditions say, "Come after me and shaw thee," that is, show thyself; in which case, it simply appears. Others omit the harrowing, and say: "Come after me and harrow thee."-R.B.] Then up gat fechtin Jamie Fleck, An' he swoor by his conscience, That he could saw hemp-seed a peck; For it was a' but nonsense: The auld guidman raught down the pock, An' out a handfu' gied him; Syne bad him slip frae' mang the folk, Sometime when nae ane see'd him, An' try't that night. He marches thro' amang the stacks, Tho' he was something sturtin; The graip he for a harrow taks, An' haurls at his curpin: And ev'ry now an' then, he says, "Hemp-seed I saw thee, An' her that is to be my lass Come after me, an' draw thee As fast this night." He wistl'd up Lord Lennox' March To keep his courage cherry; Altho' his hair began to arch, He was sae fley'd an' eerie: Till presently he hears a squeak, An' then a grane an' gruntle; He by his shouther gae a keek, An' tumbled wi' a wintle Out-owre that night. He roar'd a horrid murder-shout, In dreadfu' desperation! An' young an' auld come rinnin out, An' hear the sad narration: He swoor 'twas hilchin Jean M'Craw, Or crouchie Merran Humphie- Till stop! she trotted thro' them a'; And wha was it but grumphie Asteer that night! Meg fain wad to the barn gaen, To winn three wechts o' naething;^12 But for to meet the deil her lane, She pat but little faith in: [Footnote 12: This charm must likewise be performed unperceived and alone. Yougo to the barn, and open both doors, taking them off the hinges, if possible;for there is danger that the being about to appear may shut the doors, and do you some mischief. Then take that instrument used in winnowing the corn, which in our country dialect we call a "wecht," and go through all the attitudes of letting down corn against the wind. Repeat it three times, and the third time an apparition will pass through the barn, in at the windy door and out at the other, having both the figure in question, and the appearance or retinue, marking the employment or station in life.-R.B.] She gies the herd a pickle nits, An' twa red cheekit apples, To watch, while for the barn she sets, In hopes to see Tam Kipples That vera night. She turns the key wi' cannie thraw, An'owre the threshold ventures; But first on Sawnie gies a ca', Syne baudly in she enters: A ratton rattl'd up the wa', An' she cry'd Lord preserve her! An' ran thro' midden-hole an' a', An' pray'd wi' zeal and fervour, Fu' fast that night. They hoy't out Will, wi' sair advice; They hecht him some fine braw ane; It chanc'd the stack he faddom't thrice^13 Was timmer-propt for thrawin: He taks a swirlie auld moss-oak For some black, grousome carlin; An' loot a winze, an' drew a stroke, Till skin in blypes cam haurlin Aff's nieves that night. [Footnote 13: Take an opportunity of going unnoticed to a "bear-stack," and fathom it three times round. The last fathom of the last time you will catch in your arms the appearance of your future conjugal yoke-fellow.-R.B.] A wanton widow Leezie was, As cantie as a kittlen; But och! that night, amang the shaws, She gat a fearfu' settlin! She thro' the whins, an' by the cairn, An' owre the hill gaed scrievin; Whare three lairds' lan's met at a burn,^14 To dip her left sark-sleeve in, Was bent that night. [Footnote 14: You go out, one or more (for this is a social spell), to a south running spring, or rivulet, where "three lairds' lands meet," and dip your left shirt sleeve. Go to bed in sight of a fire, and hang your wet sleeve before it to dry. Lie awake, and, some time near midnight, an apparition, having the exact figure of the grand object in question, will come and turn the sleeve, as if to dry the other side of it.-R.B.] Whiles owre a linn the burnie plays, As thro' the glen it wimpl't; Whiles round a rocky scar it strays, Whiles in a wiel it dimpl't; Whiles glitter'd to the nightly rays, Wi' bickerin', dancin' dazzle; Whiles cookit undeneath the braes, Below the spreading hazel Unseen that night. Amang the brachens, on the brae, Between her an' the moon, The deil, or else an outler quey, Gat up an' ga'e a croon: Poor Leezie's heart maist lap the hool; Near lav'rock-height she jumpit, But mist a fit, an' in the pool Out-owre the lugs she plumpit, Wi' a plunge that night. In order, on the clean hearth-stane, The luggies^15 three are ranged; An' ev'ry time great care is ta'en To see them duly changed: Auld uncle John, wha wedlock's joys Sin' Mar's-year did desire, Because he gat the toom dish thrice, He heav'd them on the fire In wrath that night. [Footnote 15: Take three dishes, put clean water in one, foul water in another, and leave the third empty; blindfold a person and lead him to the hearth where the dishes are ranged; he (or she) dips the left hand; if by chance in the clean water, the future (husband or) wife will come to the bar of matrimony a maid; if in the foul, a widow; if in the empty dish, it foretells, with equal certainty, no marriage at all. It is repeated three times, and every time the arrangement of the dishes is altered.-R.B.] Wi' merry sangs, an' friendly cracks, I wat they did na weary; And unco tales, an' funnie jokes- Their sports were cheap an' cheery: Till butter'd sowens,^16 wi' fragrant lunt, [Footnote 16: Sowens, with butter instead of milk to them, is always the Halloween Supper.-R.B.] Set a' their gabs a-steerin; Syne, wi' a social glass o' strunt, They parted aff careerin Fu' blythe that night. Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, Wi' bickering brattle! I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee, Wi' murd'ring pattle! I'm truly sorry man's dominion, Has broken nature's social union, An' justifies that ill opinion, Which makes thee startle At me, thy poor, earth-born companion, An' fellow-mortal! I doubt na, whiles, but thou may thieve; What then? poor beastie, thou maun live! A daimen icker in a thrave 'S a sma' request; I'll get a blessin wi' the lave, An' never miss't! Thy wee bit housie, too, in ruin! It's silly wa's the win's are strewin! An' naething, now, to big a new ane, O' foggage green! An' bleak December's winds ensuin, Baith snell an' keen! Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste, An' weary winter comin fast, An' cozie here, beneath the blast, Thou thought to dwell-